Introduction to Death (or what to do when your blood runs out)

Introduction to Death

Welcome to the Introduction to Death (or what to do when your blood runs out). This book gives a quick guide to all dead people in dealing with death.

It outlines how to cope with death and what organisations exist to make your transition from life into death just that much more pleasurable.

These pages are compiled and updated by the dead imps of Kilmarizan. They suffered from a tragic accident with an egg beater and a sword and have been stuck in the afterlife ever since. After a few thousand years they decided it would be useful to do something to pass the time. They then started this book and began delivering it to newly dead things, such as yourself.

I hope you find reading this book fun and enjoyable. Remember dying is not an end, it is merely a different way of looking at an end.

This book has 3 chapters, they are:

• Chapter 1 - Oh no! I have died! What now!
• Chapter 2 - Surviving death
• Chapter 3 - I am so lost, how do I get home?

Oh no! I have died! What now?

You have died. You are now in the afterlife. What should you do now? Philosophers have been asking this question since the dawn of time, the best answer they have come up with is: Make it up as you go along. Things you probably wish to worry about once you have died are finding a way to come back to life and making sure somebody does not run off with all your ill begotten... I mean hard earned equipment. The following chapter will go into this subject in more depth. Finally; Do not panic!, Death is not the end. You have much life ahead of you. Leap and jump for joy in the knowledge you have now experienced the final pain; that pain which will only occur once in your now very short life. Be refreshed by the last squirming hold on the land of living and let yourself be free to truly appreciate the freshness of the air and the tang of the afterlife.

To help you on your way, here are some quotes from famous people after they died:

• Goodie Hamstring said 'Well done, I thought you had missed it there'
• The Abbot of the Listeners said 'I have what you might call a season ticket'
• Blackadder said 'Bugger'
• Gag Halfrunt said 'Death, he's just this guy you know?'
• Sigmund Frjjjed said 'Tell me death, why is that you cannot remember how the little horse shaped ones move?'

Death doesn't care if people are good or bad, so long as they are punctual. And kind to cats.

Surviving death

Now you are dead, you presumably want to come back to life? If so, there are several methods of doing so. One method is to track down a priest who has the right connections with the gods. They will be able to raise you from the dead and give you a new body. Most commonly, this takes the form of the ritual "ressurect", which is granted to priests of Pishe. To find these, try "who pishe".

One of the other methods is to get one of the many locations around the Disc where the gods, or the otherwise suitably inclined, will bring you back to life.

Some of the more useful to know about are:

• The Temple of Small Gods in Ankh-Morpork. Harry (out of the goodness of his heart, assuming you have not killed him recently) will bring you back to life.
• The Temple of Sessifet in the Klatchian city of Djelibeybi, and the Temple of Small Gods in the town of Ohulan-Cutash, near Lancre. If you can find either of these places, the appropriate gods may take pity on you.
• Finally, the mystic Tu Silent Llamas may help you if you are unfortunate enough to pass on in the Agatean Empire. Look for him on the oddly-named street called Chopsticks.
• There are a few other locations scattered around the Disc where you can get raised. Seek and ye shall find.

I am so lost, how do I get home?

If you are completely at a loss and you are dead. Try the command 'godmother', they will take poor dead you back to Harry to be raised. It will cost you quite a bit of life energy to achieve this however.

If you do not wish to take this extreme option, buy some string. Or remember to leave crumbs behind you as you walk.

m0j0.net ©2008

Disclaimer The views expressed on this site are solely those of the author. Quotations are attributed as far as possible to their authors. The author of this site is not responsible for the content of external internet sites.